Like Parent, Like Child...

A friend was talking to me about his/her child and some areas in which she/he would like for him/her to improve. The whole thing in my opinion came down to this: The best thing you can do to love your child is to love yourself first. I'm not talking about the kind of self-love that fosters selfishness but a true self love that is necessary in order to love another human bean (child or adult). There are many wonderful ways to learn about and practice this but I will not write about them here.

In your child, you will also see the areas of your own life that are healthy or that need healing or improvement. Children really are like their parents. So, when you see something your child needs to improve on, practice it yourself. Is he not social? Be more social yourself and make sure your child sees this. Make more playdates where the focus is you talking to your friend not playing with the children. Pick up the phone just for socializing and talk where your child can hear. Is your child hyperactive? In what areas of your own life do you find it hard to focus? Are you filled with anxiety over anything? Do you have self-calming rituals for the mind and spirit? How about involving your child? Children pick up on the energy in the people around them (especially in caregivers) because they are closer to their instinctive natures than we are in general.

This is indeed the harder way of childrearing because most of us are more likely to love others first rather than ourselves. I know this is true for me. In my teaching (and also in my many years of caring for children), I really have seen and do see a direct correlation between how I feel and how the children respond. If I have not done enough to nurture myself, the children can sense this and are not as enthusiastic or are downright uninterested. It is great for me to see so clearly when I am not loving myself enough; when I am working too much; when I am not putting loving myself high on the list of daily priorities. I have to refocus, pray, play or whatever I need to do to center myself, nurture myself, love myself, and then the children respond by being their beautiful selves in response! What wonderful gifts I have in my work!!!