Sharing

Another idea that made an impression on me in Alfie Kohn's book "Unconditional Parenting" is how to handle sharing. He suggests that parents simply say something like this "I think that Johnny feels a little sad because he wants also to play with that toy. I'll bet he would really be happy to be able to play with it a little while." Then comes the hard part : leave it completely up to the child what to do with that information. Most children over 3years who are being raised this way want to make a contribution to the happiness of others. Under the age of three, I doubt that they would be moved by this because they wouldn't be able to understand what the other child was experiencing. But we can always make them aware. If they decide not to share it, maybe they are not done playing with it and need their own turn a little longer. They have to be able to meet their own needs as well. Maybe they are simply not ready for this skill of thinking outside the lines of their own ego (totally healthy and normal)! When given the benefit of the doubt, most children will exhibit prosocial behavior on their own. They like to see others smile too!