Battle of the Wills

I have been thinking about this radical acceptance of your children that Alfie talks about in his book "Unconditional Parenting". Not using a system of punishment and reward, he advocates a type of parenting that is child-specific, compassionate, and explanatory. This is a very difficult way of relating to children for most people in modern society. In my Developmental Psychology studies, I was amazed to follow the history of children in our society: how they have been viewed and treated until the present time. It really made me realize that we, as a society, are not really as progressive as we think we are. We can always learn to be more humane, loving, and respecting toward the most helpless members of our society. WE truly have a long way to go.

A type of parenting that assumes that the child is a social creature who wants to fit into his family and please his parents while being true to himself and his development, takes the fight out of the parent-child relationship. No longer would parents battle with the will of their child, but would consider that maybe a lot of things are ok that the child requests and why go to war over it! Once in a while, why not dessert before dinner. Only say "No" when what your child is asking is truly harmful or impossible. Why not leave them free? Why do we have so many points to prove with children:

We are in control.
We know everything.
We are never wrong.
You must obey all adults.

Really, WHY?? Let's stop and ask ourselves "Why?"! Are these things true? Of course not.

Alfie suggests that parents (and I say all adults in contact with children) should allow their children to see them as human. And I suggest that first, we need to accept OURSELVES as human beings with all of our splendorous flaws!