Your Children Are Not Your Children

This book was excellent! Many ideas struck me as very true. Every child needs to know that they are loved for who they are NOT what they do. Anyone who has contact with children has the best of intentions to unconditionally love the child. What Alfie suggests is to look at it from the child's point of view. Do they get positive attention when they "perform"? He suggests that positive attention (rewards) can be just as damaging as negative attention (punnishments). I know it really sounds odd (and I am really sticking my neck out here) but if a child is rewarded for saying her ABC's, what does that child think if they cannot remember them from time to time? Or what if another child cannot say them yet? Will that child judge the other for not performing "acceptably" or think that they are better than their friend? Do children only feel accepted when they live up to another's standards, or are they accepted for the true people that they are with all of their own desires, thoughts, feelings, abilities, and interests. I once heard a children's song that said "Your children are not your children...they are the sons and daughters of life". Wow! They are truly their own people and need to be treated and respected as such while being gently and thoughtfully guided by the people they trust the most. I welcome your thoughts: as always!